a filofacts of lightbulb jokes

LIGHTBULB JOKES

Which takes us into the archives for lightbulb jokes …

According to Wikipedia, the first punchline, which was applied to Irishmen, Poles, Californians, trade unionists and politicians, was: “Ten – one to hold the light bulb and nine to turn the ladder around.”

There is or was a good collection at http://bulbs.justpickone.org/ including (seemed like a good selection at the time) …

How many DIY buffs? Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.

University students? Two – one to fuse all the electrics and one to phone the landlord.

Greater London Council employees? Four – one to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing that the GLC, Working For London, is going to change it.

Pessimists? None. It’s a waste of time because the new bulb probably won’t work either.

Doctors? Only one – but he needs a nurse to say which end goes in first.

Surgeons? None. They wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

Physiotherapists? None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do.

NHS hospital staff?  Six – one to diagnose the problem, one to take an X-ray, one to wheel in the replacement on a trolley, one to apply an anaesthetic, one to do the delicate operation, and one to examine the late bulb in a post-mortem.

Psychologists? Just one, but the light bulb has to really WANT to change.

Freudians?  Two.   One to hold the ladder and one to change the penis.

Journalists? Three – one to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people; one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness; and one to win a prize for reporting that the electricity company hired someone to break the bulb in the first place.

Politicians? Two – one to hold a press conference to inform the public that everything possible is being done to rectify the situation while another screws the new bulb into the water faucet.

Irishmen? Two – one to hold the lightbulb and one to drink till the room spins.

Englishmen?What do you mean, change it? We have had it for a thousand years..

Northern Soul fans? Only one, but you have to wait while he explains how much better the original was.

Vietnam veterans? You wouldn’t know because you weren’t there, man.

Californians? Five – one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and discuss the environmental impact.

New Yorkers? One to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.

**

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