JOKES – BERNARD’S BEST

BEST JOKES OF BERNARD MANNING

Can’t Google it, so I’ll need to do some free typing, which goes against the grain, but I want to save, from June 2007, a list of favourite Bernard Manning jokes as recalled by Telegraph readers, after Manning died – especially the one about Mad Cow Disease.

From Les Wray

When visiting an old folks’ home, I met an old lady on the stairs and said to her: Do you know who I am? And she replied: No, but if you ask matron she’ll tell you.

From Ian Andrews

My sister went into a hairdresser’s and said: Make me look like Barbra Streisand. So he hit her over the nose with a brush.

From Geoffrey Gunning

Show me a home where the buffalo roam … and I’ll show you a house full of shit.

From Christian J Morris

Two cows in a field. One says: Have you heard about this Mad Cow Disease? The other replies: It doesn’t affect me, I’m a duck.

From Mike Connell

Quasimodo returned home and noticed the wok was on the kitchen table. He asked the wife: Are we having Chinese for dinner? She said: No, I’m going to iron you a shirt.

From David Shaw

Guy walks into a shop, says he wants to buy a wasp. Shopkeeper says: We don’t sell em. Customer says: Why not, you’ve got one in the window.

From Chris Hayes

Three teams of mountaineers: English, Irish and Scottish, in a race up Everest. At 15,000 feet, the English radio in to say they’re giving up because of bad weather. The Scots get to 25,000 feet and give up because of frostbite. The Irish get to 100 feet from the summit and give up because they’ve run out of scaffolding.

More, no doubt, can be found in the Telegraph readers’ discussion of Bernard Manning recorded at

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/1554926/Bernard-Manning.html#disqus_thread/

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