MORE QUOTES TO KEEP

ON AGE

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”

American columnist Bill Vaughan, quoted in The Week, 7.1.2012.

 

MILITARY MAXIMS & WINE WISDOM

the late gavin lyall, quoted by his wife, katharine whitehorn:

If you hit anything, call it the target.

Also the observation:

Red wine goes with meat but only white wine goes with carpets.

 

 

MILITARY MAXIMS & WINE WISDOM

the late gavin lyall, quoted by his wife, katharine whitehorn:

If you hit anything, call it the target.

Also the observation:

Red wine goes with meat but only white wine goes with carpets.

 

BY HOMER SIMPSON

Maybe, just once, someone will call me Sir without adding: You’re making a scene.  

ON POLITICS

Will Hutton, Gdn 17.4.07:

Lord Palmerston once said of the Schleswig-Holstein question that only three people ever understood it. One was dead, one was mad and one was himself – and he had forgotten it.

 

ON LOVE

According to Bibi van der Zee in Guardian Mag, April 05:

George Bernard Shaw once said that love consists of overestimating the difference between one woman and another.

 

ON WAR & TERRORISM

After 9.9 2001, the columnist writing as Smallweed in the Guardian quoted Walter Savage Landor, a writer who lived through the turmoil led by Napoleon:

All the cities of earth should rise up against the man who ruins one.

 

ON GENTLEMEN

To add to the list of definitions of an English gent:

He would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn’t pour to a plastic one that did.

 

ON FOREPLAY

Dylan Moran is reported having said that in long-term relationships, foreplay is pared down to:

I have this – are you interested?

 

ON JOURNALISM

Can’t easily find it as a free resource but I was struck at the time by Robert Fisk’s essay in Independent Mag September 2011, headlined Top Hack Blasts Local Rags. You can find it online for a fee and it’s essential reading about how newspapers have lost so much of their market.

 

ON COUNTRY LIFE

Must find cuts on French author who wrote a book called Pays Perdu, suggesting that the three Gods of village life were called Alcohol, Shit and Solitude.

ON POLITICS

J P O’Rourke: “Giving money and power to governments is like giving whisky and car keys to teenage boys.”

ON FRIENDS

Peter Ustinov in Dear Me: “I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best. They are merely the people who got there first.” 

WISDOM

Cheeky Girl Monica, interviewed about her sister Gabriela’s relationship with Lembit Opik, Sun. Tel. July 07, said: “I wouldn’t go for a politician because then the Cheeky Girls would be all about politics and people would forget about our music.”

 

SIMPSONS WISDOM

Homer gives Bart three lines for getting through life …

Cover for me.

Ooo, good idea boss.

It was like that when I got here.

 

Homer to Bart on learning guitar:

“If it’s hard, it’s not worth doing. Put the guitar in the cupboard with your lacrosse stick and your karaoke suit, son, and we’ll go in and watch some tv.”

Bart: “What’s on?”

Homer: “It doesn’t matter, son.”

 

There are whole sites dedicated to the punishment lines Bart is seen writing on his class blackboard. I liked a list selected by Tom Templeton in Observer Mag of 22.1.06, which I cannot now find online …

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.

“Bagman” is not a legitimate career choice.

I will not yell “She’s Dead” during roll call.

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

I do not have power of attorney over first graders.

I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

I do not have diplomatic immunity.

I will not fake seizures.

I will not eat things for money.

A burp is not an answer.

I will not carve gods.

I will not grease the monkey bars.

 

Homer to Apu, a local store owner who has a shrine featuring an elephant-god: “No offence Apu but when they were handing out religions, you must have been taking a wizz.”

 

PROPER PHILOSOPHY

from Don Paterson, author of Book of Shadows

Falling and flying are near-identical sensations, in all but one final detail. We should remember this when we see those men and women seemingly in love with their own decline.

Traditionally, the defining moment in a man’s life arrives when he looks in his shaving glass and finds his father staring back; but there is a day so much more terrible we rarely speak of it – when he catches himself naked in a full-length mirror and sees his mother …

Everything in nature we don’t understand, we once called miraculous.

Almost everything in the room will survive you. To the room, you are already a ghost, a pathetic soft thing, coming and going.

There is no fury more righteous than that of a sinner accused of the wrong sin.

ON FOODIES

When I first arrived in Leeds, my colleagues on the Yorkshire Post were still enjoying the story of the visitor from London who insisted on going to a greasy spoon for a full fry-up, then asked for cheese and biscuits and got a Dairylea and two Penguins.

POLITICS & JARGON

From somewhere in the early 2000s I have a note of John Prescott having talked of “traditional values in a modern setting” and a merchant navy man saying it reminded him of the mess-room phrase “same old shit, different sauce”. 

ON THE INTERNET

According to a note I made in 2007, probably from New Scientist, a Second Life avatar consumes as much electricity in a year as the average Mexican.

 

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One Response to MORE QUOTES TO KEEP

  1. hack4hire says:

    ref New Scientist quote, see also
    On TECHNOLOGY &PROGRESS: Fred Pearce in Teleg Mag, Feb 08: “One scientist I met recently reckoned t average household in Europe or N America hs so many devices and such a variety o food and clothg tt to produce t same lifestyle inRoman times wd hv required 6,000 slaves – cooks, maids, minstrels, ice-house keepers, woodcutters, nubile women w fans and many more.”

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